Setting boundaries is one of the most important skill you need to have, especially if you are a woman. Women have a tendency to be more agreeable. We are expected to be this nurturing and caring figure who loves taking care of other people. While these may seem like positive traits, it could backfire to us if we don’t have boundaries with other people.
What happens if you don’t have set boundaries in place? First, it would make you easy prey for narcissist and manipulators. Secondly, people wouldn’t respect you and you might even be treated like a doormat. Basically, your life would be miserable on so many levels, both physically and emotionally.
So, here are a few ways of setting boundaries for a better life
1. Learn to Say No
The first and most obvious step is to say no.
No is a full sentence. You do not have to explain anything specific after saying no. Learn how to say no when someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do.
If your friends are asking you out to hang out but you don’t want to, just say ‘No, maybe some other days.”
If your boss asks you to work more hours than what you are paid for, like the weekend for example, just say ‘No, I have no obligation to work on the weekend.”
If your partner asks you to do sexual favors you are not comfortable with, just say, ‘No, I’m not comfortable with that.”
You don’t have to explain more than necessary and people will take you more seriously and respect your time more when you learn how to say no.
2. Limit the Access
Another way to set boundaries is to limit people’s access to you.
For example, you have set the rules to yourself that you do not accept phone calls or emails after eleven, then you have to turn off your phone or put it in silent mode so people cannot call you during this time.
This could be applied in dating as well. Don’t always be available all the time. If you are still on the dating stage and he suddenly asks you to come to a last minute date, refuse it and asks to reschedule.
In short, make people know that you value your own time and limit their access to you.
3. Work on Your Self Esteem
People who lack boundaries usually also lack self-esteem. When someone doesn’t respect themselves, make self-deprecating jokes all the time, treat themselves poorly, other people would find no reason to respect them.
This is why it’s very important to work on your self-esteem. Learn to view yourself in a positive light and work on improving yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally and intellectually.
We have a practical guide on how to be more confident. You would definitely find that one useful.
4. Communicate Your Boundaries
Sometimes, people just doesn’t take the hints and you need to communicate your boundaries verbally with other people. You need to tell others what you like and don’t like.
A lot of people, especially women are afraid of communicating their boundaries in fear of social rejection or conflict. However, it’s time that we openly break this cycle and be straight forward when we are uncomfortable with something.
It’s always better to be safe than sorry.
5. Avoid The Stress
If you have clearly communicated your boundaries with other people and they still do not respect that, walk away from them. Cut off those people or distance yourself quietly from them. You do not need those kind of people in your circle.
If you somehow find yourself in a difficult position where someone’s clearly threatening you and doesn’t accept your boundaries and they still won’t leave you alone even after you try to cut them off, you could always ask for help to others. Don’t hesitate to contact authority if someone starts to become a danger to your safety.
Those were some ways of setting boundaries for a better life. Don’t forget it’s okay to have boundaries and don’t ever let anyone make you feel guilty for having them.
