You may see it many times in movies or stories. The good girl end up falling in love with the bad boy who is willing to be good just for her. For years it has been a common phenomenon that seems to be popular among teenage girls and young women. There is even a term for it now, “Beauty and The Beast Syndrome.”
There is a valid reason for it. When women are young, they tend to be more attracted to danger. Because it’s something new, something exciting. When you are young, your brain has yet to fully develop and your hormones are going all over the place. The thrill of being with a bad boy may be appealing.
However, in reality, beauty and the beast syndrome could be dangerous when applied to a relationship. Let’s break down why.
1. You Can’t Change a Man with Love
Beauty and the beast syndrome gives impressionable women, mostly young girls the impression that you can change a man with love. To turn the beast into a prince. The truth couldn’t be farther from that. You cannot change a grown up man into something he is not.
Despite all the tragic stories he will tell you about his past making him the way he is now, he is still not a good person. It’s not our job as women to change or dictate a man. Don’t waste your time converting a bad boy into something he’s not.
2. Bad Boys Romance Often Lead to Violent Act of Abuse
There are many real life incidents about women who are dating bad boys and end up getting violently abused by them. Some have even led to death. It’s a nasty reality the TV shows and stories never tell you about.
Don’t ever think he won’t hurt you too when he hurts everyone else. You are no exception. Even if he doesn’t abuse you physically, he’ll do it emotionally. Be careful about your fantasy.
3. Sexual Attraction Is Not Enough to Sustain a Healthy Relationship
One of the main attraction of bad boys is having a sexy appearance. Not all, of course, that’s just the portrayal people like to make. The problem is, when you are aiming for a long term healthy relationship, the sexual attraction alone isn’t enough.
Bad boys are usually drawn to danger so most of them couldn’t have a stable income or remain out of trouble. Some are even in prison, which is the last place to pick someone for a relationship.
4. Emotional and Sexual Trauma
Dating and being involved with bad boys often come with a fair share of emotional and sexual trauma. These traumas usually take years to get over with the help of therapy. Life is already full of problems and bad boys are problems you can easily avoid.
Why Do Some Women Fall for Bad Boys?
We need to understand why some women end up falling in love with the bad boys. There are usually two main reasons for this. The first is her own personal emotional trauma and the second is the alpha charm.
1. Personal Emotional Trauma
Young girls and women who were raised in a highly stressful, abusive and toxic environment have a tendency to repeat the cycle by dating a bad boy. The reason is due to her mentally adjusted to the high stress level and abusive behavior.
When someone stable comes into her life, she wouldn’t feel as fulfilled emotionally in a toxic way. They are so used to the tears, screaming and violence that when they feel peace, they get anxious and distrustful.
2. The Alpha Charm
Secondly is the alpha charm. Women are biologically wired to seek the alpha as her mate. The strongest men who could potentially provide and protect her. The problem is, sometimes bad boys are mistaken for the ‘provider and protector’ women are looking in the relationship.
This is because bad boys have less fear for danger and they are more willing to step into the unknown. Bad boys are the real definition of toxic masculinity and some women are still falling for it.
What to Do About It?
Okay, now, what to do if you are one of these women or someone close to you is experiencing it? Here are a few things you can do in the moment.
1. Seek Therapy
The first and most important thing you want to do is to seek therapy. You need to heal your emotional trauma first. It’s important that you get professional help to deal with all your past trauma.
This will allow you to move on and figure out personally what went wrong and deal with it. Once you deal with all the past burden, you can move forward to a better future.
2. Learning About Healthy Feminine and Masculine Attraction
Next thing you want to do is to learn about healthy feminine and masculine attraction. You need to understand what a healthy relationship looks like.
Sometimes, when you are so used to the toxic environment, you think it is normal. However, the truth is far from that. Take some time to understand how feminine and masculine energy operates and work so you can be more aware of your own and others.
3. Taking Care of Yourself
A lot of women who fall into toxic relationship tend to lack self-esteem. When you start taking care of yourself, physically, mentally and financially, you will start to feel better about yourself. When you start loving yourself, you will no longer tolerate any kind of toxic and bullshit behavior from others.
4. Set Boundaries
You need to start setting healthy boundaries and pay closer attention to the way people are behaving. Never let other people cross your boundaries. It’s okay to tell them off if they start to cross the line.
Because once you start doing that, it is less likely for them to try the same thing again next time. You need to stand up for yourself and be more strict of the people you have in your life.
5. Time Will Help You
Last but not least, time will help you. Usually, once women reach a certain age, their priority has shifted and they will no longer tolerate bad boys anymore. Your brain matures and you start to recognize healthy and unhealthy patterns within a relationship.
You start to crave something more serious and most of the time, you start to seek better options naturally.
Of course, this isn’t always the case. Some people just never grow and make the same mistakes over and over again. However, if you’ve done the other points, time will take care of the rest.
Conclusion
Beauty and the beast syndrome is not as glamorous in real life. Remember that fantasy is always different from reality, so be selective of the person you are dating and avoid bad boys as much as possible.
