So, you’ve found the love of your life. You’re all excited and sure to marry this person. However, marriage is more than just a vow and a wedding. There are a lot of things you need to ask and know about your partner before marriage so you can avoid any issues about it in the future. To make it easy for you, we have compiled a list of things to ask your partner before marriage.
1. National ID, Passport, Tax History and Other Documents
The first thing you need to ask your partner before marriage is to see all the important documents in his life. Things like his national ID, passport, tax history, birth certificate, certificate of degree (if he has any) and other important documents.
This is extremely important because marriage involves a lot of legal aspect and these days, you can’t always trust someone you think you know.
It’s especially necessary if you are meeting him from dating apps or know him much later in your / his life. Also, ask him for any criminal records or figure it out yourself. Better be safe than sorry.
2. Children or No Children
The next thing you want to discuss with your partner is regarding children. Now, you may or may not want children and your partner may want the opposite. This can be a problem if you didn’t discuss it beforehand.
It’s also wise to mention how many children you want if you decide to have them. This way you can properly plan for it and prepare yourself, physically, mentally and financially.
3. Household Values
The next thing you want to discuss is household values. For example, if you have children, what kind of values do you plan to instill on them? If you come from different background and cultures as well as religions, you may really need to talk this through.
Household values must take into account both parties, it’s very important to discuss this together as a couple so everything is clear and prevent any unnecessary conflict in the future.
4. Housing and Lifestyle
The next thing to discuss is the housing and lifestyle. Some cultures may end up having the couple live in the man’s family home while other couple want to be independent and start their own household in their own house. Talk to your partner about it, what kind of housing do you want? An apartment, a cozy small house, luxury penthouse or a mansion? Where do you want to live? The city? Countryside? Beachside? Mountain?
What kind of lifestyle are you two aiming for? Are you both into healthy lifestyle? Luxury lifestyle? Life full of travel? Decide in advance what sort of lifestyle you two are striving for because it’s not optimal if one of you is on a diet and the other is stocking up on ice cream on the fridge. Discuss everything in advance before marriage.
5. Financial Arrangement
The next thing you want to talk to each other about is your financial arrangement. A lot of couple are getting in fights and even divorce because of financial issues. Your financial arrangement should always be included in the prenup. For our ladies, we will NEVER recommend you to go 50/50. Always have your man provide for you and the household.
However, if you plan to have a joint account, talk about it in advance. For our hypergamous ladies, talk about your allowance as well. Remember, it is the man’s job to provide for his family.
Even if you are working, you should keep the money for yourself, ladies. We recommend you to have your own separate bank account from your partner.
6. Sexual Arrangement
Sexual activities is a crucial part in a marriage. You need to be intimate to bond with each other. We know sometimes our ladies fake their pleasure to boost a man ego, which isn’t ideal.
Communicate your needs and pleasure with your partner. Don’t hesitate to include your kink and fetishes as well if you have any and see how your partner reacts to it before getting into a marriage.
Also communicate how frequent sex should be between the two of you. We know practice makes perfect but you need to be open to your partner about your sexuality before jumping into the marriage. If you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, might as well make it enjoyable.
7. Pets vs No Pets
This may seem minor to some, but it’s really important for you to discuss in advance about pets. Sometimes, one of you may want to have pets but the other may not want any pets. It can get troublesome later. Make sure this is discussed in advance so all parties are comfortable with this.
8. In Laws and Family Members
The next thing you want to discuss is the in laws and family members. We would never wish this to anyone but sometimes, some family members can get annoying or bothersome.
They may have their own trauma and belief that they try to project to you and your partner. Talk about this to your partner and decide together how to deal with it. This is especially true if you or your partner are family oriented. The last thing you want is having a nagging in laws who get on your nerves each time.
9. Political Values and Beliefs
The next thing you want to ask your partner about is his political values and beliefs. Make sure that his beliefs and values do not clash with yours.
This may not be a huge issue for some but for the others, it can be a deal breaker. It’s better to be upfront with each other on this in advance to avoid any unnecessary arguments in the future.
10. Love language, attachment style and communication style
The next important thing to discuss is your love language, attachment style and communication style.
Let’s talk about love language first. There are five types of love language.
Words of affirmation: meaning you connect best through words of encouragement and praise. Could be done verbally or through writings.
Physical touch: you feel the most loved when your partner showers you with lots of physical touch such as kisses, hugs, cuddles and sex.
Act of service: you feel loved when your partner does something for you, such as making coffee for you in the morning or doing chores in the house so you get to rest.
Quality time: you feel loved when you get to spend quality time with your partner such as watching movies, going on dinner dates and traveling together.
Receiving Gifts: you feel loved when your partner give you gifts, take you shopping and buy the things for you. It doesn’t even have to be grand, something simple such as flowers and your favorite food counts as well.
Attachment Style
There are four types of attachment style, secure, dismissive, preoccupied and fearful attachment style. Everyone’s attachment style was created from childhood and you have to be aware of your attachment style and your partner’s. Some attachment style are incompatible with each other and just a mere recipe for disaster. Figure it out early in the relationship so you don’t end up wasting your time with someone with incompatible attachment style as yours.
Communication Style
The next thing you need to figure out is your communication style and your partner’s. Are you more quiet and introverted or are you more extroverted and love to talk? What about your significant other? Can you two listen to each other or is there an imbalance in communication where one party always dominate the other?
You need to understand these languages and styles so you can be completely sure that this person is truly compatible with you.
Conclusion
Those were some things you should ask your partner before marriage.
Remember, Marriage is a wonderful thing. Still, you have to make sure that you and your partner have these questions answered since the beginning so you can have a smooth sailing marriage in the future.
